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Showing posts from October, 2010

MY STORY- Mourning into Dancing Part 7

Depression is a lonely, scarry place to be.

Here I was, 21 years old. I was taking Chemistry and Biology with about 15 hours of lab per week, with the stubborn goal of becoming a doctor. My son was three. My daughter was one. I received a check every month from welfare for $540. My rent was $325. I spent about $100 in gas to get to and from school each day. I used the balance to pay $1.50/hr to my Pakistani neighbor woman who watched my kids so that i could attend classes. She became a bit like a surrogate mother for me, too. If it wasn't for food stamps, we would have starved. I was becoming very thin with the stress unbelievable. My soul seemed to age literally years every few months. At 21 years old, I often was quoted as saying, "I may be 21, but my soul feels 40."

There was a moment, while still attending jr. college that haunted me for years. I was feeling crushed from the weight of poverty and trying my best to survive. I called my mother to express my anguish and p…

My STORY- More Falling PART 6

Overcome by guilt, I felt obligated to try and "make it work." We started counseling and went to a marital retreat, where other marriages in distress met in an attempt at healing. However, we were by far the youngest couple there, by both age and experience. I was chastised and told that "God hates divorce," but I also learned that divorce is only acceptable in times of 'marital unfaithfulness." I knew then I would be taking that door out. Craig, as big as he is, was willing to 'forgive me'. He was suddenly the 'good Christian' that he never had been, cooing Bible verses that suddenly aided his desperate attempts to keep me. He stopped chewing tobacco and wanted to 'pray.' The inauthenticity began to reveal itself to me as the form of manipulation that it was.

Still, we began counseling together through a local church. However, individual counseling began when it was decided that she could not help "two lost sheep." Counsel…

MY STORY- Falling Down PART 5

Starting General Chemistry was life changing. I suddenly felt I was entering the big leagues and I had better stay on top of it or get run over. I made connections very quickly with the goal of having a support system in order to do well.

As fate would have it, my lab partner was another seed planted for my future. A Filipino, Rick was a happy go lucky fella with a strict catholic upbringing. Not 3 weeks after school began, his older brother committed suicide. My new friend came to class, grieving. I will never forget him burying his face in his hands with a pink scarf on his head. (Turns out he is red/green color blind.) We asked him what was wrong and he shared his anguish. Another life-long friendship formed.

Then came the day I began the tutoring. Mohammad and I met outside on a park bench. He smiled warmly, and I quickly realized there was more than just the chemistry I was being tutored on. Faced again with the reality that I was married, we formed a friendship and nothing else wa…

DATING = INTERVIEW (Language Lesson #1- Follow UP)

I used to tell my hubby that since we are the only two in the relationship, we get to define what that means for us. Think: "In the World, but not Of the World."
Anyway, the point is that WE define what certain words mean to us. If Dating means to most of the World that you sleep with everyone you go on a date with, then that potentially poses a problem for me. "The World", Status quo, or whomever may hold that view, but in my house, DATING = INTERVIEW. At sixteen, dating means you admit you have mutual interest or at least acknowledge that the person has interest in you and you are willing to give them a chance. It means, you go out to lunch with them and get to go on 'group dates'. It means, through your friendship, you have determined that he is 'date-able'. Since you are maintaining emotional distance, you are not texting non-stop and talking on the phone until the wee hours. Phone calls end at 9pm. It doesn't mean to 'kiss to find out if…

MY STORY- Second Birth or The Awakening Part 4

While watching "Miss Teen USA" one evening, one of the finalists expressed her ambitious desire to become a neonatologist. She explained it was a preemie/baby doctor and given my life situation, I was sold. I refused to allow the arrival of a second child to spoil my own college ambitions and desire to achieve really amazing things, rendering myself dependent on a man with whom I could run intellectual circles around. Yet at the same time, I realized that having another child would severely limit my ability to attend. So I decided to step it up and take a couple more classes, before I would be tied down for yet another semester. After being appalled to learn that most physicians had never taken a simple nutrition class, I enrolled in Nutrition and Calculus during my second trimester. Nutrition was right up my alley and highly applicable to my pregnant status, while Calculus at 8 am was going to be a challenge. I enrolled in 7am Lap Swimming to be sure I was wide awake.

First …

Language/Communication Lesson #1 and Teen Talk

Over the summer, I found out through FB that my daughter had a bf. She had been gone for a week with my husband's family, home for no more than 3 days, and left again to visit dad and grandparents for another 2 weeks. How in that three days she found a bf is beyond me, except that we know how 'connected' they are with FB, texting, etc. The few months before that, she had gone through some major changes herself, and we found her attitude very amicable. She became much more compliant, quick to obey, cheerful, and quite helpful. AAAHHH! But don't let that allow you to let your guard down....the enemy is always seeking whom he may devour.
With this new found bf, she was going to have to find a way to see him. And she did. No sooner had I discovered this when i suspected she must be finding some way to commence the relationship in person. Luckily, i am a hypersensitive, nosy mother who often checks my teens' text messages and fb accounts. (It is simply amazing what you c…