Skip to main content

Dropping the Student Midwife Title


How do i put this?? For the past 15 years i have wanted to be a midwife. The first homebirth I attended in 1991 changed my life. My apprenticeship for the past two months, during this time of massive, mind-blowing changes in my family have served to help me realize a few things. In order to enjoy my life, travel, do the things i want, i cannot become a midwife. I need to utilize the things i have learned and stop putting my life on hold for a fulfillment of a dream that was not meant to be. I could write about the beautiful, empowering birth I stayed up at all night to witness two nights ago...but I am going to go a different direction. Entirely.

My belief is that when things feel like a struggle, when you have too many pieces of the puzzle to make one thing work...maybe it is not meant to be. I have learned to trust God...that the "steps of a righteous man are ordered of God" Maybe my midwifery goal was my idea of how to get what i wanted. However, I trust God with my life. And like many times before, He allowed me to get so far and gently is nudging me in a different direction.
My many, many years as a Christian have taught me that I have a Heavenly Father who knows me BETTER than i know myself and fulfills me better and promises to "give me the desires of my heart". My own husband is testimony to that...that i married a man whom i did not want at first, but when I saw the vision of he and I together in old age, I knew he was "the one". I followed that voice, and despite our ups and downs, I am in love with my man, my best friend, and truly our lives have been blessed. The Next major thing is our foster babies. (We affectionately refer to them as "the babies.") I am now mother of six, or soon-to-be officially, and I would never have chosen that for myself. All i have chosen is to obey, and I already feel the start of the blessing in that.

As for midwifery, when I came home depressed, maybe that was the sign. Or maybe its because economically midwives are dependent on people to pay and in hard times, they don't . Or maybe its because I can't throw a party with friends because I may have to run off to a birth. Maybe it was the realization that they work seven days a week without a day off....plus an all nighter on average once/week. Maybe it was my realization that it is an old dream, and I have changed so much since i first set out to do it. Maybe it is the realization that my dreams are bigger than midwifery can give me as a profession. Or that my kids are my priority. Maybe it was the realization that I can't commit to being "grad night coordinator mom" or "assistant soccer coach mom" if I am also a midwife. Maybe it was the realization that spontaneous over-nighters to santa cruz are out of the questions. Dropping my Student Midwife title doesn't make me as sad as I thought, it actually makes me excited for my future.

I serve a really, really big God. He has blessed my socks off and now as I shed the old and look forward to the new, when i am living in His will, I get ready for the roller coaster ride. I know that I don't know what is around the corner, but that it is good. I can have the "confident expectation of good things" when I am living for Him. WOW. How great is that??

My heart is still for teaching women and empowering them to have a satisfying birth. I still have many options to be involved in birth, including doula work, and even make some money at it...but I am qualified to do much, much more than midwifery. As I begin to focus on the things that qualify as "my bliss", I believe i will be successful without compromising all the other things i hope to do, see, and become.

Comments

  1. You always amaze me and bring tears to my eyes. When I need encouragement and am feeling like I can't do.. I find you somewhere(email, myspace, facebook, here, in my phone address book) and I am lifted back towards where I should be heading instead of being stuck. You remind me to look up instead of looking within. Thank you! You are in my prayers. Hugs Holli

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

God's Heartbeat.....

As I have entered into a world recently that many are unaware of, I have become convinced that I should speak up.Foster children are the invisible children around us.My message to you is that more families or couples in our churches need to nominate themselves to become foster parents.Not because they have time.Not because they are in the perfect place in their lives.Not because they are waiting for God to ‘tell’ them.I think we need more people to take radical, preemptive leaps of faith, for the sake of these children.I think we need to stop more often take notice of the need and wonder what Jesus thinks of the children in foster care. Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven.” (Matt 9:13)and  we are instructed to pray, “Your Kingdom come, Your will be done, on Earth as it is Heaven,” I sometimes wonder if we have the ability to usher the Kingdom into our very homes by caring for the most vulnerable among us--…

Life Lessons from a Difficult Season in Marriage

I am back.  Feeling the need to blog. The need to share my hard-learned wisdom with whomever will stop long enough to read it.

In the years since I have really blogged, I have continued to grow and change quite a bit. I wish I could detail more of what has occurred over the past 3 years, but out of respect for marriage, I will not elaborate, only share the main lessons I have learned which have been life changing for me.

For women in difficult marriages, I will say this: Cloud and Townsend http://www.cloudtownsend.com/  are some of the best people with some of the best advice I have ever encountered.  I have read almost everything they have published and I highly recommend Boundaries for any interpersonal issues.

I will also say that if you are in a difficult marriage, for whatever reason, God has His eye on you.  First and Foremost, get as  familiar as possible with how GOD views you and do not let  how you view you or how anyone else views you cloud the TRUTH.  Choose to believe His…

Vaccine Talk Continues....

Not to touch on an ongoing controversial subject,  but really people.  WAKE UP.

My children have never been vaccinated.  These are the questions I strongly encourage you to get answered before making a decision to vaccinate.

1.  Who do I know that DOES NOT vaccinate and what are their reasons?
2.  Are there any statistics taken  on those that have autism, learning disabilities, who have NEVER been vaccinated?   

Sign a petition here:    https://petitions.whitehouse.gov/petition/mandate-cdc-do-double-blind-study-comparing-autism-rates-vaccinated-vs-unvaccinated-control-groups/7vrdnCHT

3.  If my child gets......     Measels (the actual disease), what are the statistically significant risks?
                                        Chickenpox, what are the risks?
                                        Mumps?  What happens to a child with mumps?  What are the REAL risks of the disease?

4.  What are the risks and benefits of delaying vaccines to age 2 (the age when a child's immune sy…