Skip to main content

Bye, Bye, Babies...




I was wondering how in the world one ever makes a huge, enormous decision that affects the innocent lives of others. I still don't have the best answer in the world, but it comes with lots of prayer and feeling in your gut what the right move is...then...and this is the hard part. Remembering that even if you make the wrong decision, God is not going to put you on his "strike with lightening" list. But actually still considers you His favorite. Imagine that??

Anyhow, I have struggled with this last part for quite sometime...i mean, why wouldn't God want me to adopt these babies?? My only answer is that He is bigger than i can see and cares more about them than we do. He has given us peace about the decision and dreams that are yet unfulfilled in our hearts. We can feel that adoption, at this time, is not right for us. Key word: Us. Mike and I have had lotos of conversations about us, our kids, our family, and our dreams. We have cried many tears over these babies, cherished them, and are so sad to have to say goodbye. I have felt grief over the decision, but through it, peace. I was reminded of the story in the Bible of when King David was grieving over the illness of he and Bathsheba's son. How he mourned! And when the child died, he picked himself up, cleaned himself off, and moved on. I am trying to cry most of my tears now and kiss them goodbye, but when they are finally gone, I am going to move on. I am not going to spend anymore time focusing on the past, but i am sooo looking forward to the future. I am proud of the work we have done in the lives of these babies, through prayer, through trust building, and giving them a solid foundation. I pray that as they move on, they carry those lessons with them, and always have an awareness of the Father who was theirs from day one and will "never leave them, nor forsake them."

Now, as for me....I am starting my life again.
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

MY STORY- Never an option. (side note)

My best friend at the time had a great relationship with her mom. We had both got accepted to a great university and before i found out i was pregnant, we had been scheming about how to be roommates. After the big news, her mom suggested i have an abortion. "A baby will ruin your life!" she told me, "I can take you down there, we won't have to tell your mom." I know this was said with the best of intentions. But i had seen my mom pregnant with my younger brothers. I watched her belly grow and her ease into breastfeeding. My mom used talked to me about abortion and how God 'knows us from the moment of conception." She even told me that if she was ever raped, she would keep the baby. If she was so concerned about seeing the father's face in her child for the rest of her life, she said, she would give it up for adoption. It just wasn't the baby's fault. Thank you, mom. Lesson Learned for Talking with Teens: TALK TO YOUR KIDS. If you don't...
2 comments
Read more

MY STORY- This is only the beginning. Part 1

The church we have considered our church home for some time often has people give their testimonies. They call it "MY STORY". They value transparency. The point of this blog is to tell the story of how i got pregnant the first time. It's the start of my testimony, but it's also important for my personal growth, as I still continue to process and struggle through the results of my decisions at that time. My hope for my readers is that it sheds light on how you can talk to your teens. Of course, the biggest teacher for me was having vivid memories myself. I will preface this by saying that as I describe MEMORIES, some of the memories are straight out of my teen-age brain at the time, and were i to experience them now, i would most likely encounter a different perception. Nonetheless, these experiences have shaped who i am and make me into the person that I am today. I will call this Scene #1. I am in 7th grade. My main priority at the time was to be accepted by my peers...
2 comments
Read more

MY STORY-Playing House Part 2

Before I move on, I think its worth mentioning a word about Craig's background...without getting too detailed. Adopted twice in his life, he had been abandoned at the hospital at birth. His first adoption from his native country was at age 2, straight out of an Orphanage. As I have matured, I think this knowledge has made it very easy for me to forgive him. Ironically, I think its one of the reasons I had a difficult time walking away from him as a teen. After having the two foster babies last year, especially the 13 month old, with all her control issues and manipulative behavior, it really brought home for me the extent of behavioral issues that can arise from atypical bonding. In order to paint the picture a little clearer, let me describe scene #2: We are newly married. I am 6 months pregnant. (I can still see the shirt i wore all the time, while sitting in the chair, and my protruding belly in my mind.) Everything in our 550 square foot apartment is brand new. The dishes, pot...
2 comments
Read more